I thought I’d pop in and say hi! I really miss Gaia, and all the lovely souls here. So I thought I would just explain what I’ve been up to.
It has been crazy around here for the past few months!
There was the family drama….For the past 2 years I’ve been having drama after drama with several family members. I tried leaving them be, but they just couldn’t do the same. So I cut ties with my brothers and their families. It was a very difficult thing to do. But I noticed an immediate energy shift. My daughter and I feel so light and free. It has made me aware of just how oppressive all that negative energy was. So rather than trying to ‘deal with it’, I’ve just stepped away. The other surprising thing was my parents response to it all. They have been very supportive. They finally began to see how badly it was affecting my daughter. They stopped trying to hold the family together, no matter what. They accepted my choice to go in a different direction. So now I am trying to release them gently without anger and resentment.
There was the health crisis for my Dad…..he has been very ill for months now and it has been quite dramatic at times. We nearly lost him last week. But he is home from hospital and recovering. It obviously isn’t his time just yet. Mum has needed my support. The last few months with Dad’s intensive radiation treatment has really worn her down. So it has been a great pleasure to give back to them and be there as much as I am able.
Then there is the surprising…..funny what happens when you shift energy isn’t it! Out of the blue, amongst all the chaos, I had an idea. Everything seemed to just fit into place. So in amongst hospital visits, weeding mum’s garden and caring for my daughter….I’ve been working on a project. Amidst the chaos, I have found something that has made me joyous. So now my dining room looks like an art studio. I’m going to go out on a limb and self publishing one of my stories. I’m working on the illustrations and setting up as website. It’s all a bit scary and very exciting.

I thought I would share a shift, a change in the way I see and feel things.

It should first be pointed out that I have a great love for all things furry, no scratch that...all living things. I love nature is probably a better way of putting it.....all the creatures of the earth.  
I am passionate about protecting the rights of children as well. I am normally a very shy and quiet sort of person, but if some-one tries to hurt a child or an animal.....Watch out!

I call it the mama bear in me....Grrrrrr

Last week my daughter and I were watching a vet show on TV. Some ladies brought in a rather scruffy looking, small white dog wrapped in a towel. The ladies explained that they had watched a car hit the little dog and just drive off, leaving it to die on the side of the road. The poor little dog was not in a good way, the vet said it was a miracle she was alive at all. Because she had fought so hard, the vet promised to do all he could for her. They gave her some pain relief, ran some tests and contacted the owner. When the owner arrived, this lovely little dog mustered all her strength to stand and greet her owner, wagging her tail and giving him a lick. The owner explained how a friend had taken the little dog for a walk. He had tied her up to a pole while he went inside a shop. But some-one had let her go. The security footage at the shop,  showed a young man walking along the sidewalk, stop, let the dog go and steal the lead. Being such a busy street, it was only a matter of minutes before the dog ran straight in front of a car and was hit.

Normally I would have been so angry, asking ‘Why would some-one do that?!' or yelling ‘What an idiot, did he think it was funny? Surely it wasn't just to steal a dog lead!'

But no....not this time. There was no anger as I heard the vet say... ‘Sorry, we can't save her, the injuries are just too extensive'  

I held my daughter close and we watched with tears streaming down our cheeks as the owner said goodbye to his ‘best friend'. It was such a tender moment as he gently stroked her head and talked softly in her ear. The little dog wagged her tail and licked him on the face for the last time.

It is a little hard to explain just what I felt.....sadness I suppose more than anything else, because I realized that the man who let her go could not have experienced such love and devotion....or he would not have untied her and stolen the lead. My life has been blessed and filled with memories of many furry family members. Over the years I have had such a rich connection with many pets, and they have brought joy, laughter, sadness, companionship, loyalty and love ....in abundance. I soooo wanted the driver of the car to feel even a little of that love and devotion. Perhaps then he would not have been so callus as to leave a little creature on the roadside in pain. It was then that I realized....there was no anger and loathing inside me. It felt so much nicer....so much lighter. I found myself thinking of the joy and the love that animals have brought to my life....and I wanted to share it!

My prayer is that everyone feel the love and joy that owning a pet can bring, or the wonder of really 'connecting' with an animal in the wild. If only these men could pay attention to the animals that co-inhabit this beautiful planet, they will begin to see the myriad of life that is all around us and the glorious wonders of nature. Perhaps if they too can feel such a connection.....they would want to save at all costs, rather than destroy without giving it a second thought.  

Oh no it’s that time of year again!  Valentines Day, is here.
I feel a different mood this year, a feeling of acceptance. Gone are the days when I hide away and cry, feeling very sorry for myself. I do choose to be single after all.
I feel like the love scrooge has gone, so no more bah humbugs or comments like….. “Young love…..yuk!” “Do you have to do that in front of me? Oh please!.... There are children watching.” “I give it 6 months.”
I don’t feel like I want to bite off the head of anyone who dares make the comment…. “Don’t worry I’m sure you will find your soul mate soon, just like I have.” Or “How long have you been single now? Don’t you think it’s time to get back on the horse?”
Yes I know it has been a long time healing my past, but I’ll get back on the horse……maybe never. My choice.
I watched a friend start a new relationship a few months ago and I feel so blessed to be around them, to feel the love they have for each other. So I am embracing that today……feeling the love and wishing all the lovers out there a Happy Valentines day!
I’m going to go out and buy myself and my daughter a Valentines Day gift. I know you can’t fill a void with ‘stuff’…..it’s symbolic, a gift to myself.  Then I am going to sit with my girl, and watch a soppy romantic movie. Surprisingly, there beats the heart of a true romantic within me…..who loves happy endings and always cries.
So to all the singles out there…. I’ll be holding you in my thoughts and in my heart. I know how hard today can be for the broken hearted or just those who choose to be single in a society that expects coupling.
Grab a box of tissues and join me! You can pick the movie.

I love little Elmo’s message about healthy eating…. ‘Cookies are a sometimes food.’ I think fear is a sometimes emotion. Fear is not ‘bad’ and in small doses it is useful….it shows us to be weary of things that might hurt us and helps us run faster if we need to get out of danger. But when we live in constant fear, when fear is a daily companion, we get out of balance.
I know fear all too well, I lived in constant fear for years. Throughout my life I have had a lot to fear, many life threatening events where I was in mortal danger and fear helped me to run faster and think quicker. But then it took over and began to see danger where there was none and perception of life became impaired, because you cannot see clearly through fearful eyes. Your fearful eyes are looking to the ‘what if’ in the future and they miss the beauty of the ‘what is’ right in front of you in the now.
That’s how I broke my habit of living in fear, I decided to live, to be in this life, in the now. Fear has trouble looking at the now, but you have power, you can make fear look again. I ask fear questions:
Is there an intruder in my house right now?
Is my child well and healthy?
Is there a tree falling on my house right now?
Because if it isn’t here, now needing me to act, needing me to run….I don’t need you fear. Go away and come back when there is an intruder in my house, or my child is ill and I need to worry, or the storm is so intense that my house is in peril. Because I don’t need fear unless what I fear is here….now! Come back and be my friend then.

The other thing I noticed about fear, it is a great friend to the helpless and the weak. I admire fear for that, for the way it rushes to those who feel small and meek. For those who feel there lives are out of control, fear will give them false hope. Fear loves control, it tries to take charge of all the ‘what ifs’ and all the variables.
For me fear became an uninvited house guest that stayed too long, wanted to control everything and wouldn’t leave. At first I resented fear, but then I took it by the hand, like an old, dear friend. I showed fear that I was safe when I went out, that I had a torch if it was dark and my house still stood after a storm. I showed fear that my child was safe and happy. Slowly fear loosened it’s grip. I showed fear that the angels watch over me and the universe brings me what I need, when I need it. Then I thanked fear for trying to protect me and politely explained that I am safe and strong and I want to live.
We parted the best of friends.

 

Ever wonder why I call myself Dragonfly Dreamer?

There is no doubt I love dragonflies and butterflies....my house is full of them! Not that I am really a ‘collector' of anything, but I am drawn to them. If there is a dragonfly on something, I will notice it! And people tend to give me things with dragonflies on them, my daughter in particular. Dragonflies are my totem animal and messengers. I see them everywhere, even in the most obscure locations.

Yesterday I saw one over the Indian ocean of all places! It was HOT, very hot in fact, so my family decided to go to the beach. There I was swimming around in the Ocean, when I saw a dragonfly flying from the open sea to shore, straight over the top of my head.

Then when I was leaving, as I walked in from the surf, there was a little dragonfly on the rocks. The little dragonfly just sat on the cool, damp, seaweed covered rock, and didn't fly off when I got near. It was quite small and had a lovely pale blue body, definitely not the same one that I saw earlier.

I don't know what it means, but I just had to write about this visitor.

Perhaps it signifies the time to come in from the cold and find a soft place to land.

A coughing fit has me awake at 4.30, so I thought I would blog about what’s been on my mind….re-incarnation.
I had a fascination with weird things ever since I was a child and I read all sorts of subjects that were outside the beliefs of the religion I was raised in. I devoured books about witches, spontaneous human combustion and Kurlian photography. I was a weird kid.

A series of traumatic events left me in a bit of a mess in my late teens.I ran away from home and ended up living in the spare room of a man who became a great friend and mentor. To support myself I started doing some door to door sales. One day I knocked on the door of a tiny woman wearing a head scarf. She kindly asked me to come in, with a strong European accent. I stood on her doorstep gripped with fear. The poor woman must have thought I was mad! Then I just turned and ran and kept running. Some time later, the team leader eventually found me wondering the streets and put me in the van and took me home. I was unable to return to work and gripped with irrational fear. One day I sat for 3 hours, wrapped in a towel, on the floor of the bathroom, totally unable to move. I had gone to open the door and had a vision of a small woman wearing a head scarf, brandishing a carving knife on the other side.
This image of a ‘crazy’ little woman waving a knife wouldn’t leave me.
Fortunately the lovely man I shared house with was an ex-Scientologist and several of his friends were practicing Scientologists. They told me I was having a ‘restimulation’ based on a past life. I am eternally grateful to them for the work they did to help me through. I credit them with my life, because at that point I truly thought I was going insane and had become suicidal.
After a few sessions I discovered a memory of a past life where I was a young Russian peasant girl. My mother, a small, thin woman who wore a head scarf, had bravely fought off soldiers with a carving knife. She lost her life trying to save mine. They murdered her right in front of me, then I was raped and killed. It didn’t take very long to realize the series of events that led to my ‘restimulation’.
Since that first rather painful memory, I have had quite a lot of less dramatic experiences. I have a fondness for Egyptian artefacts and vague memories of a life there. Mostly, I have been amazed at the people I have met throughout my life that ‘I just know’ fondly, feeling deep friendship with a total stranger. It is encounters like that that make me think …. ‘Have I met them before?’
So there you have it…..I believe in re-incarnation.
(I have blogged about it before, but not quite as much detail)
Oh and don’t believe all the hype and rubbish on the TV.
I am very supportive of my dear Scientology friends and eternally grateful…I wouldn’t be here without them!

Hug your Mama!
Isn’t it so common..….people taking their Mamas for granted. They expect and demand, forgetting all the while, the loving, nurturing and giving soul who has devoted so much time and energy to the raising of them.
So what would I say to people about how to better care for the earth…..LOVE YOUR MAMA!!!!
Hold her in your thoughts. Tell her you love her. Be grateful and show your appreciation…I like to do that with a big hug!

 

Over the years I have seen a lot of things with my physical eyes, like energy, spirits and orbs. There is no question in my mind about the existence of such things. I am still learning however, connecting the dots, especially about orbs. I have a few theories based on my experiences, but I would love to hear what others think about this.

Because of my blog about orbs, the question has come up about what orbs really are. I had always suspected that orbs were the projected energy of beings, like deceased relatives, guides and even loved ones who are absent. One experience that led me to this conclusion was my first experience with an orb about 20 years ago. I was sitting in my lounge room, thinking of a friend that had moved across the other side of the country. Then I saw a large orange orb appear at the corner of the room, near the ceiling. I yelled out to my boyfriend... ‘Do you see that?' He just stood and looked up at the corner, ‘Oh that's Ken' he said quite calmly. I was far from calm, this was my first experience of this nature and I was not sure what to make of it. But when we compared notes, so to speak... he had seen some movement and got a flash in his head of the face of our friend who had moved and whom we were both missing. I had seen this large orb, but I had been thinking of our friend when I saw it. I concluded that our friend was also missing us and thinking of us, and that this was a projection of his energy. The colour also fits this theory, orange being the colour of close bonds and relationships. He had been having a traumatic time, which also explains the colour orange.

I thought I would share another experience that happened last year, which lead me to the conclusion that orbs can be sentient beings. It is the story of ‘our little fairy' and to me, it is proof enough.....

My daughter and I had not long moved into a new house. My bedroom has no windows, only a large glass door leading to a courtyard. I was in my room putting away clothes when I saw a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. I noticed that the room was quite dark, the curtain was drawn and so the light was a bit strange. I saw it again and thought, ‘Oh it's just a moth'. But then I saw it right in front of me, about knee height. As I watched it dart around in front of me, again I thought, ‘It's just a moth' and just as I had that thought and as if it wanted to prove to me that it was NOT just a moth....it did a loop de loop, and then a zig zag right in front of my eyes...then it was gone. I said nothing to my daughter about what I had seen. Later that day I found her upside down, legs in the air, head under my bed and I just had to ask.... ‘What are you doing?'

‘I'm looking for something' she said ‘It just flew under the bed.'

I wondered if she was looking for the white orb I had seen earlier, so I asked her to describe what she had seen. My daughter had walked in and seen a small white light flying around about knee height. She described it as a white light about the size of a large coin, and it was flitting and darting around and then apparently had gone under the bed and disappeared.

We affectionately called it ‘Our Little Fairy' and I have seen it quite a few times since. We even caught her on my camera phone a few months ago. The way that this orb behaved...it was alive....I have no doubt! Our ‘little fairy' also shows up when I am having a hard time and need cheering up.

I can't say for sure if it is a fairy, but it sure flies like one! And with a house of girls, the ‘fairy' is very welcome.

A few people have asked me about this, so I thought I would write a blog to explain.
Firstly I have to say I am no expert and I don’t know all the answers, this is purely my experience of these phenomena.
I have the ability to see energy and orbs. I first started seeing large orbs about 20 years ago, just here and there. Now it is pretty much a daily occurrence, although most of what I see is subtle and small spots of light or colour. Sometimes this energy is on a person or in their auric field and is related to strong memories, trauma or illness. Other times this energy is in the room and not directly attached to the aura of any person. This energy belongs to beings or entities, sometimes it may be a deceased relative or perhaps a guide in spirit form.
The photos I placed on my page were taken by my daughter, with my phone. Unfortunately the quality is not very good and they cannot be enlarged. I was very excited to get them, they represent hard evidence that in this area is often hard to find. It is proof to the disbelievers…Here! This is what I see! Do you believe me now?
You will understand this reaction when I share the story of how they were taken…. You see I have had a lifetime of not being believed. Even worse, I lost friends and was ridiculed to the point that I shut down completely. It is only in the past 5 years or so, that I have begun to open myself up, to experience the world of spirit that I tried so hard to ignore. I have also been slowly ‘coming out of the closet’ about what I see, experience and know to be true, about the world around us.
A few years ago, I told my sister in law and younger brother about what I see and who I am…. A medium primarily. My sister in law was quite OK with it all, but I could tell my brother was not at all comfortable and I could see it in his eyes…he didn’t really believe me. Well, that is OK, it isn’t my job to convert people and they will see and believe what they want and when they are ready. That is what I told myself anyway. It was really important to me, deep down, it was something I wanted, some family support…not something I had experienced a lot of in the past!
My sister in law was very supportive and came to me time and time again for advice and asking questions, but not my brother. Then one night my daughter and I went to their house for tea. My sister in law asked me to do a reading for her. I told her I saw a large blue orb of energy behind her. My daughter, who loves any excuse to take a photo, picked up my mobile phone and started to click away. She jumped up and down saying ‘I got it! I got a picture of the orb!’ and sure enough….there it was! Exactly as I had said…a blue orb. I described a mauve and blue colour near her elbow and sure enough, my daughter got that on the phone camera as well!
It was very exciting. Then my daughter took one of my brother and there were two orbs near his head. ‘Must be light from the candle.’ He said. I wanted to strangle him…I just said what I saw…there it is in the form of proof and you STILL want to find a logical way to disprove me! So we blew out the candles and my daughter took shot after shot of the orbs in different locations around the room. It was such fun and such a relief for me to finally have some proof! There it is! This is what I see.
Funny thing is, it has taken years for my brother to slowly come around…and that is OK. It really is OK, because I don’t need that external support any more. I am strong enough now to stand on my own and say…believe it or not….your choice. We have many examples of orbs caught on disk now, a few different colours and some that just show up on a photo.
So here is an example of one such photo…believe it or not, I know my own truth and that is enough. My hope is that others may see at least…possibilities.

My ‘Dream Job’ has always been to be an author (of children’s stories). But pursue that dream as hard as I might…. It hasn’t happened for me, not yet anyway. In fact the pursuit of my dream has caused me a great deal of sorrow and heartache. For me it was my way to change the world, make a difference. I so passionately believed with all my heart and soul that THIS was my life’s purpose.
It seemed perfectly natural, I trained as a teacher, loved kids and so wanted them to have a different childhood than I had. So I wrote story after story and got rejection after rejection. All the while telling myself that I needed to have faith and believe.
If you dream it, you can be it!
If you truly give it all you have, you can achieve anything!
Dreams really do come true.
If you follow your passion you can’t go wrong.
Things happen in God’s time.

Each rejection I took as an opportunity to grow, so I would try something else, improve on what I had written. I sought professional help and got a few stories edited and evaluated- just in case they were being rejected because they were in actual fact….. just not very good. (You do have to face that at some point) I got a glowing review for one of them at least… but still no offers from publishers. This game went on for years…. Write a story….. wait months for a reply…. Send it off…..wait for a reply.
How long do you pin your hopes on a dream that just doesn’t seem to be working out? How long is ‘God’s time’? When do you give up on a dream? Am I on the right path? These are all questions I began to ask myself last year. Rejection after rejection, had made me face the fact that maybe I was wrong after all.
Then, with a lot of unpleasant stuff going on my life- yet another ‘sorry’ letter arrived in my letterbox. This was the last straw and I ‘Spat the dummy!’ I put all of my writing in a box and there it has stayed.

‘I need something new in my life’ I decided. Perhaps it was time to let the universe direct the flow of my life. But there was no reply from the universe, no flow, just nothingness! Months of nothingness!
I had never felt so lonely in all my life, so utterly empty.
What do you do when you don’t have a dream?
Where do you go when the universe doesn’t flow?
I fell into a big black hole and couldn’t see the light.
It has been a long climb out of the hole I found myself in. There is a lot of time to think, in the stillness and dark. I learned a lot……….
I don’t have to BE anything, just me. I don’t need a title or a label to make me happy, or proud and it is OK just to BE ME. The most important place to BE is in the here and now, not off in some wonderful future.
I just watched the movie ‘Evan Almighty’ with my daughter a few days ago and one thing really struck me…. ARK- Acts of Random Kindness. This is how God told Evan he could ‘change the world’, by one random act of kindness at a time.
Be the change.
At times I really think that the name I chose is a bit lame,(Dragonfly Dreamer) but every time I think of changing it, I remember why I chose it in the first place- just to keep the possibility alive.
With a glimmer of hope and a sprinkle of magic, who knows what might happen?
The future is after all… ours to create.